As I sat here today and read through all the kind and encouraging comments on my last post I decided that instead of responding to everyone I would just write a post saying thanks. You guys sure know how to make a girl feel better! I really do appreciate everyone taking the time to comment and let me know you are thinking about me and praying for me. And it was also nice hearing you say that I am not crazy and that it is normal for me to be feeling all that I am with all that I have going on. I also appreciate the messages, emails, and phone calls from those of you who didn't just want to leave a comment. You guys are the best!
Yesterday and today have been much better. I seem to be fine for a few days and then one day just kicks me in the tail. I debated writing when I was down like that, but I know how much I appreciate when I read about others struggles. I love when people are real. I know that sometimes we can't share all that we are struggling with because of the nature of the struggle. I also know that when I get glimpses of the real person behind the writing it makes their writing come alive for me. I decided to just take my chances and see what came out. Thanks for reading and understanding!
I will let you in on a little secret about my struggle last week. Brian was out of town. The week before he was gone for three days. I am used to him doing quite a bit of traveling and normally don't have any problems with it. These last two weeks, however, were different. There were times I needed to process stuff that could only be processed with him. There were times I needed someone to just see what needed to be done and do it. Sometimes when I get in those moods I am mean and cranky. It is best for me not to talk to people who might not handle the ugly so well. Brian is used to my piss poor self and doesn't let it bother him. I had several people tell me that I should have called them when I was feeling that way. I honestly don't think that it would have helped. I just needed to wade through some of it alone since Brian wasn't here. It was ok. I didn't enjoy it, but I can see the good in having to do it. There were lessons there in the muddy.
Oh, and something else I was thinking. Babies cry every day. Toddlers cry just about every day. At some point we grow up enough to not need to cry every day. I was thinking about that. Crying. I can be an emotional person. I don't normally cry a lot though. Lately I have been a veritable waterworks. I have cried 26 days in a row. 26!!! The tears came for all different kinds of reasons, but still. 26!!! I wonder how old I was the last time I cried that many days in a row. I'm sure it was when I was a kid. I wonder when the day will come when there won't be tears. Will I even realize that I haven't cried?
I do have a couple of ideas for posts. The words are swimming around in my head. I'm not sure I can write them yet, but I'm just glad to know there is something in there besides crazy!