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Thursday, October 02, 2008

Jumbled Thoughts

Last night was a hard night for me. I couldn't sleep. My mind was just racing with all sorts of random thoughts. I needed to sleep. I knew I would feel better if I could sleep. I finally took something to help me sleep at 2:30am. So this morning as I sat and contemplated all that was going through my mind as I tried to sleep I decided to create a wordle with those thoughts.



(ok...I have come back to edit this for the third time...I have issues I know!)

The interesting thing about all those thoughts last night was that I could almost convince myself that I was alone. In the way I felt. In what things meant. In the thoughts running through my head. I wanted to scream out to the universe. I wanted to be heard. I wanted to be mad. But I also wanted everyone to leave me alone. I wanted to retreat into my head. I wanted to sit on my bed and rock back and forth. I did all of those things while sleep eluded me. And now that I have had some sleep I do feel better. I still feel a lot of those things, but I am able to control my thoughts. Not let them run away and have a life of their own. Not let them consume me.

And the funny thing about this wordle is that I know it isn't complete. There were other things going through my mind, but I honestly can't remember what they were now. It's amazing what sleep will do for a person.

7 comments:

ROSA E OLIVIER said...

"love is the one who masters all things"

Mawlãnã Rumi...for you...

Your blog is beautiful!...thank you.

Your Pal Pinki said...

Geez, I look away for like a minute and you've posted five posts! I can't sleep right now, by the way. Had some tea, maybe it will chill me out and I'll be asleep in a few minutes. I wanted to watch a dvd but the player is doing a skippy thing, OOOH, I can watch it on my computer! See ya! PS. Glad you're writing some...I missed reading about you guys. : )

Sparkliesunshine said...

Very good wordle. It sucks having these times when everything feels so jumbled and you just can't seem to relax. Ugg!

Don't worry about the edits. Do it as many times as you need. I hope things are feeling brighter for you soon.

Mamadallama said...

Editing is the perogative (sp?) of the blogger, I always say. Anyway, I also was amazed at the number of posts that have popped up. I think the dam is opening for sure! Maybe you'll feel better when some of it spills out. I like your dreams. They seem very complete. Lots of my dreams change from one subject to another with no rhyme or reason. I especially love the 22 apples. So precise, all your numbers. I don't think your dreams 'mean' anything especially. I think you're just all up in the air about the big move coming up and you're excited, worried, dreading and anticipating all the emotion, drama, work and sheer logistics of it all. But it will happen and all will be well. In the meantime, dump all that fascinating angst out on your blog. Also congrats on your win! Now I have to go check out the links to it.

Colleen said...

Cool - I may just need to do one of those wordle things. I had such a sucktastic day! I actually called my poor hubby at work and just screamed at him for 10 minutes. He didn't have anything to do with my bad day!
Poor guy...

Oh! And congrats on winning those recipe cards. I'm not a great cook, but I ♥ me some tapas!

Natalie said...

rosa - thank you.

pinki - i know. sometimes i have to put something out there. right now i am in a slump again, but when words come i will post. how was the movie?

sparkliesunshine - i know. thanks for continuing to visit and be encouraging.

mamadallama - i know. right now i am feeling a bit of the slump so it may be a few more days until i post again. and my dreams...i almost always have very detailed ones. it makes me wonder about them! the move is definitely weighing on me. i know that with time things will get done and my angst will get better. thanks for being so sweet and encouraging.

colleen - sorry about the sucktastic day. i totally get you there. poor hubby! and i can't wait to try my tapas!

Natalie said...

checking...