Monday, October 13, 2008

Making a choice

This morning I was once again facing the funk I have been in lately. It reared it's ugly head. I went back to bed and thought about the post I planned to write when I got up. The one that was going to say something about how I was feeling. Unchosen. I felt unchosen. Which at this point I really can't explain, because I have not had a chance to process that thought. It was just the word that came to mind. So I fell asleep feeling unchosen. I woke up feeling unchosen. I took a shower. I got ready for my day. All the while I felt that unchosen feeling. But I had things to do so I did them and forgot that I was supposed to be feeling unchosen. I stopped trying to process it. And now all I can really remember about that post I planned to write was that I was thinking about going to a dog breeder and looking at puppies. There were two left. One was going to be chosen and the other left behind. Unchosen. The person doing the choosing never goes back to the breeder to make sure the unchosen puppy found a home. To make sure the unchosen puppy is ok. They just take the puppy they chose and never look back. That was as far as I got. I don't know what it means or where it came from. It just was.

It reminded me of the time my family went to a dog breeders to pick a puppy. There were only two left. We couldn't choose between the two of them so we chose both. We couldn't leave either one unchosen.


Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Wow, I hope you process things fast, because after that dog analogy, I'm very curious why you feel "unchosen".

Were you guys playing dodgeball over the weekend and when they picked teams, it was down to you and the girl with the floppy ears and pigtails? Did they pick her over you? Those bastards!

Lynn - the piggy bank painter said...

I just want you to know that our last 3 dogs (one has since passed away. and really 4, if you count ziggy. he died quite a few years ago.) were all the last left of their litter. The ones that no one wanted. We never had to choose. They were always just waiting for us to show up : ) I would say, don't worry, that puppy knows someone is coming along and is just waiting for them....

and I was also wondering what you felt unchosen about....

Anonymous said...

We got one of our cats from the ASPCA (the other two of our cats adopted us, not the other way around). I'm not sure I will ever be able to go again, to see all the animals that you can't take with you.
It came down to a choice between 2 before we got Ollie. But somehow I'll never forget the other one we didn't choose. And I'll always wish we had taken it home, too.

Kristy said...

Natalie, sorry I've been absent for so long in commenting. Now that I've got DSL, I should be able to come around more often. Sorry to hear you've been feeling badly recently. I've had a few rough days here too but the Lord has been faithful each time I've run to Him.

Anyway, I started my own blog. I hope you can come visit and hear about some of the crazy things I'm doing and experiencing here.

Kristy in AM (formerly NC)

Sra said...

I'm glad to see you are writing. I think we can all relate to being in a rut, and to be honest, I think crying every day is better than being so depressed that you can't feel anything, not even the sadness behind the tears. That's not so good a place to be in. So be encouraged to know you aren't at the depths of depression. Hopefully this is the upswing.

Anonymous said...

well now, i think the unchosen puppy left behind is really just waiting for the right person to show up ~ the last puppy is just too special to be taken home by just anybody!

Irrational Dad said...

I loves me some puppies... I probably would have brought them both home if there were only 2 left.

Mamadallama said...

That's exactly how we ended up with 4 cats. Only 1 dog though. When we went to pick up the pup, there were 13 of them (2 litters) and there was no way we could take all of them. I know what you mean about forgetting the whole post you had written in your head. I've done that, too, and it is very annoying!

Staying busy and keeping to routines is the secret to getting out of funks, moving through grief and other general feelings of unchosen-ness. Glad you're feeling less unchosen.

Natalie said...

nanny goats - i can't even explain the unchosen feeling. i never let myself process it anymore.

and no...i would avoid a dodgeball game like the plague. i was never fond of games where things were thrown at me.

lynn - i know. i know that those puppies are loved too. i wish i could explain it. i feel better now though!

~m - i know. it is hard to see all those left behind. poor things.

kristy - hi! welcome back to the wonderful world of the internet. hope you can still find your way around!

sra - thanks. i think i am coming to terms with the crying everyday. i think i need it for now. i guess if there comes a day when i don't need to cry i won't.

friyet - sweet. you are too sweet!

joe - i know. me too. too hard to just choose one!

mamadallama - i think i am glad i forgot the post. it might not have been something i could have shared anyway. my mind was going crazy. sometimes those thoughts are a little much for some of my readers!
and you are right...staying busy will help. and i have a lot to keep me busy these days!