Thursday, September 13, 2007

Writer's Block

I have been trapped in my house for the last several days because of sick kids so I thought I should take the opportunity to write something. I have signed on to blogger and just stared at my computer screen trying to figure out what to write about...nothing. I read back over several things I've written in the past hoping for inspiration...nothing. And here I sit staring at my computer and what comes to mind...nothing. So as I've done in the past when nothing new comes to me I will share something old.

I wrote this about a year and a half after we arrived in Turkey. After we arrived here I found myself looking back at my past and analyzing how I handled things. I felt like part of me tried to dwell on the good times and even the difficult times in my past. Some of the events I thought about were over 10 years old. I guess because I couldn't really predict what was going to happen in my future it was easier to think about the past. In the states I usually had a pretty good idea about how I would be spending the next several days. I knew what to expect of my week for the most part. Of course things could go differently than I had planned, but I was mostly sure about what was going to happen next. I felt like I didn't have that same assurance here. We were told by our company that past hurts and problems would rear their ugly heads when we were out of our comfort zone. I was suprised at how true that was. So here is what I wrote concerning what I was doing.

Walking back through my life
Analyzing my every thought
Looking over my shoulder
Thinking about what might have been.

Living life inside my head
Remembering people and events
Dwelling always on the past
Realizing that it's sin.

Learning from my mistakes
Repenting down on my knees
Standing up to live in Christ
Taking forgiveness that He gives.

Finding promise in His word
Reading all about His love
Writing down the things I've learned
Praying I don't sin again.

Knowing what God desires
Committing all of my life
Thanking Him for loving me
Praising who He is.

This is something I still struggle with. I know that I shouldn't dwell in the past, but there are parts of my life that I wonder about. How would things look if I had made a different choice back then? Where would I be? What would I be doing? I love my life now...don't get me wrong. I have been so blessed by God, and wouldn't really change anything about where I am or what I'm doing. I think that satan loves to try to convince us that we aren't really happy or that things would have been so much better if we had only ______________. I am so thankful that the bible is filled with God's promises. I don't have to dwell on the past because He promises us a future and a hope!

Ummm....so much for writer's block!

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