Monday, May 28, 2007

Happiness and Joy

I am usually a content person. I have been told by some that I often don't seem passionate about things, because I am content with how they are. I don't usually look at my circumstances and think of how they could be better. I accept how things are and make little changes when needed. But, not lately. Lately I have viewed all of life differently. Since being back overseas I have not been content. I was ok some of the time, but I kept thinking that as soon as other people showed up things would be better. As soon as our team was complete again I could function normally. The phrases "as soon as" and "when ... happens" were part of my thinking, but not my speech. Most people had no idea that I wasn't feeling completely normal. The past 2-4 weeks have been the worst. I haven't wanted to do anything. I haven't been a regular emailer or blogger or friend to anyone. I would rather be back in America. I have battled with a slight bit of depression for the last month. So very strange for me. I have not ever had much empathy for depressed people. I always want them to just snap out of it. I never understood how someone could always view life with a "grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" attitude. But lately I've been that way. I realize that this kind of thinking is wrong. I know that putting my hope in new people arriving here or in my circumstances changing in some way is not going to make me feel any better. Since I've been back several things have happened that I hoped would make me feel happier and when they didn't I looked for a new landmark or event to put my hope in. That is so wrong! Being in right relationship with God is the only thing that can help me be content with the rest of life. Joy will come. Thankfully I know this. It didn't take me long to figure out that what I was feeling was depression and the way I was dealing with it was wrong. Please remember me as I work through this. The great thing is that now that I know and recognize it I already feel somewhat better!

1 comment:

Gina said...

You know, in the short time I have known you, I have thought you to be a very compassionate person, especially in the way you help your children with school work, personality issues, etc. So I will be praying for you. FROG!!